


Mirror, mirror

by nereidee (aurasama)



Series: Frictional October 2018 challenge [11]
Category: Amnesia: The Dark Descent
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Drug Use, Dysphoria, Gen, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-06
Updated: 2019-03-06
Packaged: 2019-11-12 23:18:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18020372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aurasama/pseuds/nereidee
Summary: The lines between nightmare and reality had long since started blurring for him. Tw: referenced/implied gender dysphoria.Written for the Frictional October challenge on Tumblr, based on the prompt 'rest'.





	Mirror, mirror

His limbs could be forged of steel, for no matter how he struggles he can't seem to move. His eyes dart around wildly and he feels them, the unblinking stare of a hundred eyes that sends sweat trickling down his neck, but nothing materialises from the darkness.  
  
And then, he hears it.  
  
The noise is deafening, a chorus of voices that just keeps growing as if more people are joining them, an unearthly wailing unlike anything he's ever heard before, yet it resonates within him as though he's heard it a million times over. Howling, like that of wolves, only the voices are too disturbingly human, and he cannot tell whether they're howling from pain or rage. It makes something twist in his gut and pain shoots through his skull, blurring his vision and making his eyes water. The cry about to escape him never leaves his throat as something tightens around it with a sickening sound, like that of breaking bone and tendon, and the sheer pain of it is so terrible that he forgets where he is for a second. Another jab of pain pierces his head, then travels down his spine, hot-white, pulsating, and the voices come in waves, and he knows they're calling for him. His name, repeated over and over into the darkness.

_Daniel._  
  
_Daniel._  
  
_Daniel._  
  
Each time his name is repeated the pain rises and he knows he's dying. The voices make his head feel like its splitting down the middle, like something's trying to burst out of his skull, and he wishes it would just be over, let it be over, over, over—  
  
All he sees is red when the tendrils close around him and tear him in half.  
  
“No!”  
  
Daniel starts as if struck and his eyes fly open at the sound of shattering glass. His entire midsection aches as though the pain had been real but he sits up nevertheless. It's dark; he can only just make out the shards littering the floor, shards that were the empty bottle of laudanum that had been standing on his bedside table. He stares at it for several long seconds before slumping back on the bed, shaking from head to toe. He's immediately aware of his night gown being drenched in cold sweat.  
  
The nightmares are growing worse night by night, Daniel thinks quietly. A part of him wishes the dream had been real, another hates himself for it. No such thing as relief or escape in death, no, not for him.  
  
His heart is beating harder than it ever has. Every beat makes his chest vibrate and what's worse, it keeps skipping beats, then thudding twice as fast for a beat or two, making him feel even more queasy than he already does. He almost brings a hand over his heart but manages to stop himself just in time.  
  
No, no touching. It hurts everywhere like he's taken a beating. Sore ribs, bruises. He keeps his eyes firmly closed whenever he gets dressed, anything not to look at himself, but he knows they are there. He's been wearing the bindings too tight, too much, to the point where he feels constantly out of breath, yet there is something rewarding in the pain, something that makes it impossible for him to stop.  
  
He forces himself to get up, careful not to step on the glass. He extracts another bottle from the cupboard, firmly ignoring doctor Tate's instructions, and downs a mouthful as soon as he's unstoppered it.  
  
_One, drink._  
  
The numbness that follows the laudanum is more welcome than anything he's felt in weeks, and he drinks again.  
  
_Two, drink._  
  
His feet are heavy to carry and he comes to a halt in front of the mirror without knowing why. He stares at his reflection, repulsed, and washes down the bile rising to his throat with another mouthful.  
  
 _Three, drink._  
  
Daniel stumbles closer, the empty bottle tumbling from his fingers with a clatter. His hands tremble as he reaches out for the reflection in the mirror.  
  
He looks.  
  
Why does he look if it hurts?  
  
He can't look away.  
  
Why can't he look away if it hurts?  
  
Flickers of the face he doesn't recognise as his own, peeking between his fingers. He tries to cover it up, but to no avail. The muddy hazel of his eyes stares back at him mercilessly, still kohl-rimmed, painted. It smears and trails down his cheek as he stares at it, black tears. He wants to scream, but the laudanum still burns in his throat and not a single sound leaves him as he rests his forehead against the mirror and slides down on the floor. His entire frame shakes with the tears.  
  
Reflexively, Daniel looks up, and flinches when he finds his own eyes staring back at him. His hands ball into fists and he brings them against the mirror once, then twice, again, again, and he doesn't stop until it shatters and shards are raining down on the floor. They sink into his knuckles, cutting open flesh and slicking his fingers with blood, but he doesn't feel a thing. He's numb, so numb, finally so blissfully, wonderfully numb, and it feels like homecoming when he sinks on the floor on all fours. Powdered glass like stardust all around him. He tastes salt on his tongue and then he's crying, howling like a wounded animal, and he can barely breathe but the tears just won't stop.  
  
Dawn is so far. And each night feels longer than the last.

**Author's Note:**

> So a few weeks back I 1) had a bad day, 2) really needed to vent, and 3) listened to Sia's 'Chandelier' on repeat for some three hours, hence this piece. Also: Chandelier is an excellent Daniel song, just saying. Also yes I'm still working on completing this challenge, just watch me. :P
> 
> Since this is a rather personal piece I've disabled anonymous commenting for now.


End file.
